This post was originally made to my Etsy blog account . . . . oops.  As a friend once said of me, "That's a little bit of crazy poking out there."  Ah yes, she was right.

OK so it's Father's Day again and I'm in the same boat as I was in on Mother's Day.  All these tearful and smiling tributes to dads who were precious to their now grown children.  What do you post to Facebook on Father's Day, when the thought of your own still-living father brings nothing but an unspeakable loathing and pain?  What do you do on Father's Day when your father is a convicted sex offender pedophile??  How does one navigate through the Facebook universe of sweet tributes to dads everywhere??

* long sigh*

Well, there's always sick humor . . . . and yes, I am gonna go there.

Ya know how everyone posts a photo of their dad as their profile picture for the day on Father's Day??    Can you imagine this as my profile photo for a day??  ANY day???

And then I could post this heartfelt tribute in my status . . . . .

If I were to give him a gift he really wanted, I suppose it would look something like this:

And can you imagine the reaction if I posted what I really want most of all to give my father on Father's Day???

Yep, that about sums it up.

So you'll forgive me if I don't join in on the Hallmark-Turned-Facebook-Holiday-Festivities, but there's more to my story than meets the eye.

Instead, I will spend the day thinking about my husband who is a "father" to my two nephews-in-law, and my son who is the best daddy in the world.

It's All Relative: Post-Adolescent Thinking and Emotional Sanity

Not to jump on the bandwagon after it has passed, but I've been thinking about the infamous "Water Bottle Controversy of 2012", or The Great WBC2012, as it shall be heretofore known.  The wind has blown through the WLS Facebook/YouTube Community and shaken the trees and here is my take on the fallout.  


First of all, just because we have had WLS doesn't mean we aren't a just a wee bit crazy any more.  Having WLS doesn't change your brain it changes your digestive system.  Most of us were required to have a psych eval before being cleared for our WLS.  Ironically, my surgeon waived mine, and I had a tremendous laugh over that one.  But I digress . . . Is it even possible that we can be obese and NOT have some kind of psychological/emotional issues??  I think not, but I'm already certifiable and have nothing to lose by admitting to them.  So when you put all these folks together in the virtual convention of WLS Support Community, they bring all their baggage with them.  And they're over-packed.  


Secondly, it is human nature to follow the leader.  There are always way more Indians than Chiefs and people look to the Chiefs to find their way.  As children we follow our parents' examples until we reach adolescence, at which point we are supposed to start thinking for ourselves, but that doesn't happen a lot in this country.  Blame it on the assembly-line mentality of a capitalist society, the one-size-fits all paradigm of our overcrowded classrooms or our national lack of acceptance of the need for mental health resources, but the bottom line is still the same.  Many of us get stuck in the pre-adolescent mindset, unable to think for ourselves in a rational, mature fashion. Which is why all hell breaks loose when there is an issue in the community such as The Great WBC2012.  


There was a legitimate issue there, to be sure.


The difference between the water bottle and other "visual" measures of success (new number on the scale, standing in one leg of pants that used to fit you, buying a smaller size than you used to wear) is that all those things are RELATIVE to where you started.  Using a water bottle as a measuring stick is like saying that everyone who is successful with their WLS journey should end up wearing a Size TWO.  We reject that on its face as a ridiculous benchmark of success.  So too with the water bottle.  So yeah, if you think that someone was saying we all should fit in a water bottle and you got a gut check on that good for you.  The question is, why did it cause such a clusterfuck shitstorm?  And is there something we can learn from this??


The Great WBC2012 is a good opportunity to check our own emotional maturity and rational thinking skills.  Below is a short quiz to help determine where you fit in the spectrum of emotional maturity and rational thinking.  


PS: No extra charge for the sarcasm.  :)


QUIZ:

1.  When you saw others "jumping in the water bottle", what was your reaction?
a.  "Wow, that's awesome.  Good for her!"
b.  "She's such a show-off."
c.   "Interesting.  Wonder if I fit?"
d.  "I need to do that too/have to live up to that standard."
e.  "I’m a loser because I can’t do that/I’ll never be able to do that”
f.    “WTF?”


2.  When you caught wind of the “jumping in the water bottle” controversy, what was your reaction?
a.  I figured it was just a misunderstanding, and really didn’t get into it.
b.  I thought it served the person right.
c.   I wondered what the real issues were.
d.  I jumped right in and posted my two cents worth!
e.  I didn’t get involved because no one really cares what I think anyway.
f.    I thought, “Oh for fuck’s sake!”


3.  Now that it’s all over, how do you feel?
a.  It’s too bad this happened, but there are some great lessons to be learned.
b.  It’s not over, just wait!
c.   What did I learn from this experience to further my own personal growth?
d.  I still feel strongly about my opinion and I think the “other side” is WRONG!
e.  I feel discouraged and worry that I can’t get the support I need in the community.
f.    Awww shit, is it over?  I was just beginning to have fun!!

 KEY:

1.  Reaction to the original posts:

a.  Encouragement and Appreciation – You are able to be genuinely happy for others’ success without it undermining your own.
b.  Jealousy/Judging – Learning to love and accept yourself first is the key to your success.  Therapy and/or Church are good places to start.
c.   Contemplation –This mindset allows us to try out others’ ideas and evaluate their value for ourselves without feeling we “have to” copy them to be accepted by our peers.
d.  Copying – Trying on the idea is one thing (see letter C/Contemplation).  Automatically assuming that we need to do what the “leader” does regardless of how it fits for us is a sure sign of immature thinking skills and emotional self-abandonment.
e.  Low Self-Esteem – A hat trick of issues:
                                        i.    assuming you should do this because the “leader” is doing it (see “d” above)
                                       ii.    assuming that this is an effective measurement for you without contemplation (see “c” above)                                     
                    iii.    assuming you can’t do this.
f.    Emotional & Intellectual Perfection - You’re a consummate smart-ass who doesn’t give a shit about what others think and I want to buy you a drink.


2.  Reaction to the controversy:


a.  Conflict is almost always the result of poor communication or misunderstandings.  Taking the time to ask calm, thoughtful, and respectful questions and clarifying what you really mean will usually solve the problem without high drama.
b.  Again, if you have issues with this person it’s a good idea to take a look at WHY you wish bad things for someone.  If they have hurt your feelings or you’ve felt slighted by them in the past, address THAT and don’t jump on the first opportunity to shred them publicly.
c.   There are always at least two sides to every story and it’s tough to see all the angles in brouhahas as disjointed as this one.  Facebook, YouTube, he said/she said . . . it’s like playing Telephone as a kid.  The end message is always distorted and bears no resemblance to the original message.
d.  Oh yeah, ‘cause that’s always a really smart idea.  And that’s worked so well for you in the past, right?
e.  Listen up Eeyore: life is short and when it’s all said and done your best friend on this planet always and forever is YOU!  You are a unique creation of the Maker and you MATTER.
f.    So when are you free to go for that drink??


3.  Reaction to the aftermath:

a.  Learning from our mistakes is a huge step in the right direction.  Learning from other people’s mistakes is even better because we save ourselves from the embarrassment of having to backtrack after we publicly show our asses.
b.  Roller Derby called and they want you back on the team.
c.   See “a”
d.  That’s it, keep stirring the pot.  Loving the drama and keeping the flame lit only distracts you from what is really going on in your own life, but that’s way too difficult to look at, isn’t it?
e.  You get what you need by seeking until you find it.  If you don’t get what you need in one place, try somewhere else.  Help is out there, but sometimes you gotta change where you look.
f.    You are my new best friend.