Stupid is Forever and There's No Cure for Moron

So this morning I roll out of bed around 7:20 a.m. to check my eBay sites, starting with messages in my inbox. Checking messages first thing and often is a good idea for two reasons: 1) someone may be asking a "buying question" and you might be able to close the deal by answering their question, and 2) someone may have a problem with an item they already purchased. I check these messages a gozillion times a day, from about 7am to 11 pm, 7 days a week, including most holidays.  Really.  Ok, I admit I'm a geek and I live on the computer but that's the way I like it and it makes me good at what I do.  I have great feedback and rarely have problems.

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Messages: Inbox

The first email is from a guy wondering "how hard is it to put this tent together."      


Ummmm . . . as opposed to . . .  


He later follows up that question with a request for the dimensions of the tent.  Which is clearly visible in photo number two.  And the photos enlarge to the size of the entire screen, which I pay extra for.  Ya know, my theory is this:  if you can't read and you can't look at pictures, you have no business being on ebay, let alone buying things there.  I politely and professionally direct him to photos 2-6 which clearly show the dimensions of the tent and several different angles of it fully assembled. Next!


The second one is from a lady wants to know if this 16" stand fan tilts straight up to the ceiling (as in parallel to the ceiling). Just between you and me, I have never in my life seen a STAND fan that points to the ceiling but I haven't seen everything, so I tell her it tilts up about 20° (which it does).  Later that day she thanks me for being "honest about it" . . . . really?  Next!


This one is from a guy who purchased a dehumidifier which we advertised as the unit only, in used but working condition, with no hoses, retail box or owner's manual.  The guy tells me that the pump doesn't work (which it won't without the hoses - duh) and it's missing a coupler where the hose attaches.  He wants his money back.  I open message number four which is a complaint case he filed through eBay because "the seller is not trying to help me with this issue."


FYI: All messages sent through the eBay system have a time stamp on them.  The guy's first message was sent at 3:30 a.m.  That's right . . . . A.M.  The complaint case was filed at 3:44 a.m.  A whopping 14 minutes later, in the middle of the freakin NIGHT and this moron thinks I should have been sitting there ready to answer him.  Keep in mind that the guy lives in PA so it's 2:30 and 2:44 a.m. for him - oh for fuck's sake!


My early and lengthy retail training tells me the customer is always right.  But my nearly 20 years of dealing with people in retail and my soon-to-be-50-peri-menopausal mind tells me that a moron is a moron and should be treated as such.  Now, for the record -  if the guy had waited until, say . . 8 am?  I would have emailed back and tried to work something out with him.  No problem, no hassle, customer wins.  But NOW I'm gonna follow the eBay policy to the letter which says that he has to pay to return the item to me before he can get a full refund including his original shipping.  


Please don't write me comments about how it's not fair because blah blah blah.  What's not fair is that this yayhoo has filed a case against me (which affects my seller standing regardless of whether the case was warranted or not - in this case NOT), frozen my funds for the purchase, and generally pissed me off.  I fire off my professional but terse response to the case informing Mr Dehumidifier Man that he will need to pay to return the item.  Next!


And it's only 7:45 a.m.