Stupid is Forever and There's No Cure for Moron REDUX

There is seemingly no end to the plague of stupidity out there in cyber-shopping world. I've decided to start posting examples in an effort to help others avoid the pitfalls of . . . oh for fuck's sake. . . . I'm posting them because they're fun to read and I need a good place to rant about them.  There, I said it.


OK.  So the item is a Snap-On pressure washer which is non-functional, being sold for parts.  Here is the cut-and-paste of the ACTUAL listing description:

Snap On 1750 PSI 120.6 BAR Electric Pressure Washer
Item condition:	For parts or not working

For parts or not working: An item that does not function as intended and is not fully operational. This includes items that are defective in ways that render them difficult to use, items that require service or repair, or items missing essential components. See the seller’s listing for full details.

This listing is for a

* (brand name removed)  Pressure Washer

Item works but with significant problems.

Being sold as not working for parts only. 

99¢ Starting Bid No Reserve

AS-IS NO REFUND

The Pressure washer works but there seems to be a leak when the pressure washer isn't Spraying. it flood the ground at the base of the unit. When the Spray handle is spraying the leak slows down and the spray handle leaks.

Listing includes * (brand name removed)  Pressure Washer, Pressure hose, and spray gun ONLY.

Pretty clear, eh??  

Oh, and about the capitalization, grammar and punctuation in the listing?  Not my writing, so yeah. 

So the buyer gets the item and emails me saying the thing doesn't work and is leaking all over the place.  Re-e-e-e-aaalllly. That's strange. You mean like it says in the description!?!  Wow, go figure.  Of course he opens a case: Item Not As Described.  REallY??  WTF!!

Yeah and here's the best part.  Ebay gives the guy his money back.  Yes ma'am!!  Now the good news is they don't deduct it from my account.  Any disputed transaction under a certain dollar amount is automatically refunded to the buyer with no negative impact to the seller.  Oh! So now eBay is r-e-w-a-r-d-i-n-g stupidity!!  You betcha, to the tune of $31.31. 

I guess when you're making billions of dollars a year it's easier just to hand morons their money back than to pay someone to sift through the details.  I mean how long would it take to read my listing and see that the item is being sold for parts, not working and then deny his claim.   Would it take any longer than just giving back the money?  But this makes eBay look like the good guy which is the way they want it - and leaves the seller looking like an ass.  I check the guy's feedback left for others meaning his other sellers.  The guy hands out negative feedback like candy at Halloween.  OK I'm screwed. 


Now if I could leave negative feedback I would believe me.  But eBay no longer allows a seller to leave negative feedback of any kind for any buyer.  Many unscrupulous buyers have figured this out and make a career of blackmailing sellers with negative feedback.  If you're always right, why not take full advantage huh?

Since I can't leave negative feedback, I've gotten pretty good at leaving smart ass comments next to my green plus sign:

• Buyer currently enrolled in "How to Read a Listing" 
• If you CAN'T READ, you shouldn't be on eBay!!
• A mind is a terrible thing to waste - SELLERS BEWARE!

Then there is the case of the woman who paid too much for a handbag.  Look, I know it's really fun to see just how much the high bidder's highest bid is, but the only real way to do that is to outbid them.  And if you do that you must HOPE and PRAY that they outbid you again.  Not so in this case, and the winner ends up having to pay $600 for her curiosity.  Mind you this is a bag by a designer that is seen on the Red Carpet on a regular basis.  Well worth $600 wouldn't you say?   

Of course, she waits way too long to pay, so I open an unpaid item case through eBay.  She finally pays and I ship the bag.  I create intricate interior packing that allows for the tassles to remain in free suspension, because if they get mushed up in shipping the bag isn't worth $600 anymore and I'd have to take a return or give her some money back - and I don't want that, so . . . .

Within two hours of receiving the bag, she emails me and requests to return the bag "because your listing says you take returns".  Now what my listing really says is: "All sales final unless item is significantly not as described."  In other words, If I have a brain fart or my peri-menopause has misplaced my brain while I'm listing an item and I forget to say something about a defect etc, then I will accept a return - within 3 business days of receipt of the item.  Folks, this bag was p-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n, so no go on the return, babe.  After I politely point out my return policy to her, she suddenly, magically finds "a few loose beads" on the bag and opens a case with eBay.  

OK I'm really hard on eBay, I'll admit, and 95% of the time, I'm justified in that. Of course just when I think I'm totally screwed and this crazy b#$%h is gonna purposely damage the handgbag just so she can return it  . . . . you get the picture . . . . 

So just when I'm feeling like I'm gonna lose A-gain, Jason* from eBay's Top Seller Assistance Team beams heavenly golden light on my day and says:  "No way, that bag is perfect!  Your pictures show everything.  I also see that you had to open an unpaid item case with the buyer.  I think this is a clear case of buyer's remorse."   **insert strains of Handel's Messiah Halleluja Chorus here**

I have to admit, my first thought was:  OK they're just f-ing with me now.  Where's the catch?  

Nope it was legit.  I got an official email within minutes saying the case was decided in my favor and I didn't have to do anything more.  

Except, of course, I blocked Little Miss Buyer's Remorse.  I hope she enjoys her bag.